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Seeking Good Advice! Please HELP and Please dont judge?

Seeking Good Advice! Please HELP and Please dont judge? Topic: Thesis binding
June 17, 2019 / By Shulamite
Question: I have been married for approx. 9 years. I have two wonderful children that I adore! However, about 8 months ago, I began sleeping around. My significant other had been my first and only one. I was very young when we got together. Lets just say, we met at age 16 and married at 17. I had always been very curious about being with another person. However, I never actually "jump the hurdle" (sort of speak) up until 8 mo ago. Since then, I have been unfaithful, being with as many as 4 diff partners. My partner is a wonderful person. Makes me feel loved and gives me a lot of attention. But honestly, there has been so many prob through our marriage that I am now at a breaking point. I am now just waiting for right time for us to separate. I feel sick inside and feel like a horrible person. I know this will definitely destroy my partner’s life. He loves me very much! My ques. is, should I be honest with him and tell him everything? Should I stop? What If i dont want to?
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Best Answers: Seeking Good Advice! Please HELP and Please dont judge?

Phemie Phemie | 1 day ago
First off I have to say that your affairs are basically your way of running away from a problem your having and that problem, my dear, is the fact that you crossed the line with by having that first affair. What exactly did you prove to yourself? We never really solve anything by jumping the fence ' into greener pastures' so to speak! The trouble with that is that we take ourselves, with all our faults and weaknesses, right along with us. Soon we discover that no matter with whom we are with, our problems are still right there with us and even maybe worse. We're never satisfied and we've just dug a hole for ourselves! We all have a kind of compulsion to get away with something. But this type of behaviour is completely out of place in a mature husband and wife relationship. The peace, happiness, life and destiny of your children are dependant on it. Do you really want to put their lives on hold while you fulfill your own desires? Besides the temporary sweetness of ' stolen waters' is no match for the resulting guilt, fear and loss of integrity. When you married your partner you were bound together, not by law, but by love. You openly and totally committed yourselves to each other for life and both of you did this in faith. Each one trusting the other to sincerely try never to hurt, always to help one another. Plus you also promised to seek happiness and fulfillment together, not apart from each other! So when one partner decides to turn away and find satisfaction in someone else, he betrays his trust, period! You, by lying to your husband, are actually lying to yourself. And, my dear, lying to anyone has the strange effect of turning that person into his own worst enemy! When you lie to the one you professed to love-the one who gave his trust to you implicitly-your trapping yourself in a double-bind! And you know that your bound to lose. Theses lies of yours may protect you now from your husband's anger but at the same time it robs you of the intimacy you once shared. You walk around on egg shells lest you give yourself away! Indeed, you make yourself, your own worst enemy! Adultery breaks hearts and ruins lives, especially children and more often than not, ends in humiliation and revenge. And you still say, what if I don't want to quit! Think about if the shoe was on your husband's feet, how would you react? You mention problems throughout your marriage, honey, that's what marriage is all about. Marriage doesn't solve all problems, actually it creates quite a few. But having created the problems, you have a companion to solve them with. Sadly we sometimes take the attitude that our partner is the problem. When you got married, you were sure that you had found your ideal mate, but soon problems come and your eyes are opened to see only your partners faults and not your own. It often comes as a real shock to couples to discover that marriage does not make people happy. Marriage isn't suppose to do anything, that's up to you and your partner. By giving, caring, serving, working and growing together and as for the happiness part, that's the end result of a successful union. I would suggest that you do something positive at home to build up your relationship with your husband. Most importantly, you have to get that guilt parcel off your chest and come clean to your husband. I say this because you will not be able to live harmoniously with your family carrying around all that guilt. True forgiveness has wonderful healing powers. A person who cannot forgive must be blind to his own faults, as if he's never done anything that needed to be forgiven. But seriously, both of you have been quietly overlooking each others faults you've hardly noticed. Good luck sweetie and I hope things work out for the best for both of you and your children.
👍 250 | 👎 1
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Phemie Originally Answered: Seeking Good Advice! Please HELP and Please dont judge?
First off I have to say that your affairs are basically your way of running away from a problem your having and that problem, my dear, is the fact that you crossed the line with by having that first affair. What exactly did you prove to yourself? We never really solve anything by jumping the fence ' into greener pastures' so to speak! The trouble with that is that we take ourselves, with all our faults and weaknesses, right along with us. Soon we discover that no matter with whom we are with, our problems are still right there with us and even maybe worse. We're never satisfied and we've just dug a hole for ourselves! We all have a kind of compulsion to get away with something. But this type of behaviour is completely out of place in a mature husband and wife relationship. The peace, happiness, life and destiny of your children are dependant on it. Do you really want to put their lives on hold while you fulfill your own desires? Besides the temporary sweetness of ' stolen waters' is no match for the resulting guilt, fear and loss of integrity. When you married your partner you were bound together, not by law, but by love. You openly and totally committed yourselves to each other for life and both of you did this in faith. Each one trusting the other to sincerely try never to hurt, always to help one another. Plus you also promised to seek happiness and fulfillment together, not apart from each other! So when one partner decides to turn away and find satisfaction in someone else, he betrays his trust, period! You, by lying to your husband, are actually lying to yourself. And, my dear, lying to anyone has the strange effect of turning that person into his own worst enemy! When you lie to the one you professed to love-the one who gave his trust to you implicitly-your trapping yourself in a double-bind! And you know that your bound to lose. Theses lies of yours may protect you now from your husband's anger but at the same time it robs you of the intimacy you once shared. You walk around on egg shells lest you give yourself away! Indeed, you make yourself, your own worst enemy! Adultery breaks hearts and ruins lives, especially children and more often than not, ends in humiliation and revenge. And you still say, what if I don't want to quit! Think about if the shoe was on your husband's feet, how would you react? You mention problems throughout your marriage, honey, that's what marriage is all about. Marriage doesn't solve all problems, actually it creates quite a few. But having created the problems, you have a companion to solve them with. Sadly we sometimes take the attitude that our partner is the problem. When you got married, you were sure that you had found your ideal mate, but soon problems come and your eyes are opened to see only your partners faults and not your own. It often comes as a real shock to couples to discover that marriage does not make people happy. Marriage isn't suppose to do anything, that's up to you and your partner. By giving, caring, serving, working and growing together and as for the happiness part, that's the end result of a successful union. I would suggest that you do something positive at home to build up your relationship with your husband. Most importantly, you have to get that guilt parcel off your chest and come clean to your husband. I say this because you will not be able to live harmoniously with your family carrying around all that guilt. True forgiveness has wonderful healing powers. A person who cannot forgive must be blind to his own faults, as if he's never done anything that needed to be forgiven. But seriously, both of you have been quietly overlooking each others faults you've hardly noticed. Good luck sweetie and I hope things work out for the best for both of you and your children.

Marni Marni
So this is the insulting answer. Your husband admittedly is a good guy and takes care of you and loves you. There have been problems, welcome to marriage. For this you have turned yourself into a lying cheating whore. When you look in the mirror do you say Hi Whore. Do you understand that the reason you feel bad is because YOU DESERVE TO! Ask yourself what he has done to deserve you whoring around. Does he beat you? Does he gamble away the mortgage? Does he drink? Does he abuse you and the children? NO HE DOES NOT, not from this description. You have the choice right now to to stop this crap and devote yourself to the "wonderful" man you married, or go on being the liar and cheat you have become. Remember that you were told that you will destroy the love he has for you forever when he finds out. You will destroy your family and your own self worth, which has already taken some hits from the sounds of it. Time for a maturity check here. Your breaking point is self inflicted. You can stop but it looks like you will not. Again remember that you have been told that in two years after your marriage is gone, your husband hates your face, your children wonder why you ruined their home and you are lonely because no one wants you for more than sex that you could have been quiet and stopped and recommitted to marriage. You are about to embark on a journey of pain and anguish. You will be handing it out for a while but it all comes back in the end. The question is for what? To get your hole filled? You have not said it was for love so is this really just for sex? I'm sure you will be able to find guys with nothing invested to bang you for a while after you screw up the best love you are likely to find. Weigh these options heavily because there is no turning back if you continue on this course. The pain for him will be severe and debilitating while yours will be slow and eat at you for years if you have any conscience left. In the end it all means lonely. It is to hard for me not to be judgemental reading this. My advice is clean up your life. Keep your mouth shut, your pants on except with husband and try to regain some pride.
👍 110 | 👎 -1

Ladonna Ladonna
My dear, you know you have a problem. I'll bet you stopped yourself from opening that door many times because you knew that once you walked through it you probably wouldn't find your way out. You have some choices to make. You can choose to be like the person you would like to be married too. In other words, if you want your partner sleeping around and would be OK with it then you can keep on going. If you would rather have a faithful partner, then you should choose to be faithful as well. You can choose to continue living in the bliss of well applied friction and nice orgasms with others.... but you will be caught. You need to know this and have a plan for how to handle that. You can choose to tell your partner. Expect him to be angry and confused for a while. After all, he thought he knew you. Now you find you don't even really know yourself. Whatever you do, you should go see a counselor, preferably one that deals in addiction. It could be that you are a sex-addict (or perhaps other activities or substances as well -- these things seldom happen without co-addictions). There are ways to treat such addictions. I urge you to choose a positive productive path. Just know this, you are loved and cared for right this very instant more than you can know. God Bless.
👍 110 | 👎 -3

Jenelle Jenelle
There's no way to answer "Should I stop?" without being judgmental. On the assumption that you'd rather have answers with judgment than no answers, the answer is "Yes." Unless you're very careful, you risk dying and leaving those wonderful children. Next question, should you tell him? NO, NO. If he's a wonderful person who makes you feel loved and gives you lots of attention, why would you want to hurt him that way? Suppose in the moment, he's angry enough to tell your kids or your parents or your friends or your boss? If you don't want to be married, it'll be hard enough on him to hear that and he doesn't need to know the woman he loves cheated on him with four different guys in 8 months--or did you mean 4 at a time? He definitely doesn't need to hear that. It's not at all clear what the breaking point could be if he's as wonderful as you said. Go see your doctor and tell her (him?) about what you're doing. You may need different birth control and some guidance to avoid STDs; you might even have a medical condition that's prompted behavior that's so unusual for you.
👍 110 | 👎 -5

Fenella Fenella
I'm not here to judge you but to be honest and give you my opinion. Commitment is a strong word and love is definitely unconditional. Whatever the reason to why you was unfaithful to your life partner is not the issue at hand. But what you have probably given up or loss for the lust you have and might want to continue. Ask yourself is your lust worth losing your life partner and losing respect and trust from your family (kids included) I would not dream of hurting my husband because I would be hurting myself. I wish I had met my husband at 16 and married him at 17. It would just be so divine. Everyone has problems, challenges and issues of everyday life but what keeps a marriage going should be the gift of love...I mean true love and unconditional love. Yes you should be honest to your husband and accept the consequences of your actions. I'll pray that you truly know what you've have and pray that everything workout for everyone involved no matter what that road leads to. Remember the truth will set you free and something good you have to work for it and cherish. Because a good marriage and having a good spouse is a gift from God to be cherish for the rest of your life. God Bless You
👍 110 | 👎 -7

Fenella Originally Answered: Just got terminated from my job I dont know what to do. Can anyone give advice?
If they offer the option to stay for 30 days and you refuse, they can appeal your unemployment case for at least that long since you have the chance to work. Since they fired you, they will appeal an unemployment claim and will likely win just on the grounds of being fired, not laid off. You'd have to appeal against them that the termination wasn't your fault. I'm not sure you can sue them directly unless it falls under discrimination (race, gender, disability etc). But I don't know for sure. If fluent English is required to be able to do your job properly and you're not 100% fluent, then it's not discrimination.

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